My neighbour’s trying to steal my cat
What would you do?
I need help. I’m living a situation with my neighbours and I don’t know what to do any more. It might sound petty what I’m about to share. But I ask you. Nay, I appeal to your humanity — to see me in my grief. To feel me as you would yourself if you were in a difficult spot.
I’m tired of being judged. Of being ridiculed, or ignored. So, please… please offer me your compassion and reserve your judgment for now.
The next-door neighbour
My conflict exists with my next-door neighbour. For the last year, or so we have been at odds.
It's all over a cat. Of all things. The greatest source of stress and unrest in my life is all over a cat. Can you believe it?
I suppose I’m blessed that this is the case… That this is my biggest problem… what if I was to tell you that I also have cancer, that I’m unwaged at this moment in time, that I have a daughter on the way — my partner and I are expecting in Feb, etc.
Quickly the picture intensifies with the added details and complexities of life. And despite all these things it's the conflict I live with my neighbour that’s at the heart of my unrest.
Beginnings
He’s an older guy. In his 70s, perhaps. Was a drummer in his heyday. Still is, even with his arthritis. He lives alone although he’s with a long-term partner. Was married once — she ran off with someone else. They never had any kids.
So he’s invested himself into cats. His identity has been formed around being ‘the cat guy’.
“Well, cats just love me, you see,” he says continuously.
It's one of his strategies to excuse his behaviours.
Another is, “cats do as they please. I have been a cat-man all my years. I know more about cats than you do, so there’s nothing more to say. You’re talking nonsense.”
These words tend to come whenever we say,
“Please, don’t let him in. Put him out if he comes in through your cat flap. And please don’t feed him.”
Time and again he defies our pleas. Time and again we ask.
Escalation
And we’ve tried various tactics:
- knocking on his door as soon as we see him let in.
- being stern and strong with my tone and energy
- catching him in the act when feeding
- enlisting neighbours in for mediation
And these actions all lead to various outcomes. Mostly he lies or denies the fact. He refuses to acknowledge any accountability for influencing or manipulating the cat’s behaviour with food.
He lies to my face repeatedly. Or he makes empty promises if he’s cornered and with nowhere to go.
And things may improve for a short time. But then he starts up again.
Addiction
He also says he’s an addict. That he can’t help himself. And I try to love him for it. But it's so, so hard when every time I see him break an agreement or continue to take our cat for himself.
And this is the nub of it. I suffer immensely because I feel as though our cat’s been hijacked. Our intimacy is invaded and my relationship with my cat is changing.
Not that my love is decreasing, more I am needing to let go and surrender to the changing dynamic, that our cat is now hardly ever home. He only comes by to eat. Sometimes he stays and chills, but only for a few hours at a time.
Neighbours
What's worse is that neighbours are on his side. He’s gone on a hearts and minds offencive to win over some people nearby. And he needs to feel validated in what he does.
And he’s slanderous, this older man. He’s got a tendency to bitch. And I’m certain he’s won people over. Some now give us a wide birth. Others are shorter and don’t give me their time like they once did.
In short, its a difficult situation to live. It gives me a lot of unrest.
I feel unseen. I feel helpless.
The most I can do is move — which I’m earnestly trying to do. But with high competition for housing and being on Universal Credit (state support), I find I don’t have that many options open to me.
Closing
I’ve come to Medium and written this blog as a way to vent and express myself. To get the stress and frustration out of my system. If you read these words through to the end, then thank you for taking the time to do so.
If my story has struck a chord with you, I would be interested in what your thoughts are. What would you do in my situation?
With a bow and my gratitude.
Rob
